I am tired. We are tired. {And you probably are too, eh?} Visions of a quiet cottage on a
remote beach, me living there all by myself for a whole week with just my Bible
and a stack of blank books, have been tempting me. Tempting me to be discontent
with this place God has us in, this hard place of deciding whether to continue
or abandon this adoption.
I felt full enough before this very big and pressing
decision was thrust upon us. I was not emotionally prepared to think about
adoption right now. I was trusting that when the time came for us to travel to
meet our little girl, God would have me ready. He would come through for me,
like He always does. I wasn’t anticipating needing Him, in this way, right now.
I am tired of thinking. I am tired of trying on different
scenarios, trying to guess what God is up to and how He wants us to move,
trying to figure out what is best for our family, what is wisdom, what is fear,
what does it mean to build our kingdom here versus living for eternity.
So instead of thinking about all the thinking I needed to
do, I started thinking about that quiet beach house that I wanted to run to so
I could do all my thinking. Let me just walk away from all these pulls on my
time, demands on my emotions and thoughts, and let me find rest in solitude.
Ah, solitude.
I am thankful my God is jealous and didn't let me worship my god of solitude for too long.
I am also thankful that we have friends that pray. On
Sunday, as we gathered to celebrate communion together, we asked those friends
to petition the throne of God on our behalf. I was convicted by what they
prayed. They prayed for what I most want: rest.
And the Holy Spirit whispered soft that I can find rest now.
In Him. Rest is a condition of the heart. It is the sweet state one enters into
when they follow the Spirit’s leading to repentance, when they quit striving
and working to figure it all out and instead lean back on the truth that God knows. We don’t always know what He
is doing, but we know who He is. We
know that He is trustworthy, and all powerful, all knowing, and all good. And
in His word, He bids us come and find rest in Him.
Isaiah 30:18
“For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, ‘In returning and rest you
shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.’”
Jeremiah 6:16
“Thus says the Lord: ‘Stand by the roads, and look, and ask
for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for
your souls.’”
Both of these passages, spoken to the children of Israel by
two different prophets, come after a call to repentance, a call to return to
the Lord, is not heeded. He calls us to find rest in Him, to find exactly what
we most need, by laying down all our own efforts and work, and coming to him,
contrite and broken.
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will
give you rest…” This bidding from the book of Matthew is preceded by Jesus
denouncing the cities in which he had done great works because the people did
not repent.
Nothing need change in my situation for me to find rest.
Only my heart need be changed. I could find myself on that beach, secluded and
still, with nothing but the lull of rolling waves to disturb my thoughts, and
still not be at rest.
Or I could awake to another day, feeling not quite fully rested, knowing that this day will require my all- yet again- and have a heart
at peace with this season our Father has given us, resting in the truth of His
goodness and compassionate, crazy love for us, His kids.
May we both accept His invitation today.
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